Sunday, November 30, 2014

why I was happy my dream fell through

When I was in a sophomore in high school, I mapped out my four years of college. I took a course catalog from the school I wanted to attend and planned out which classes and electives I would take during what semester. I knew my intended major and minor that I was going to study. I'm a planner- I like to know what to expect and to be prepared. Since I wanted to study video/film, I wanted my final semester of school to be spent at a semester-away program working and studying in Los Angeles. Even as a high school sophomore, I wrote this down in pen, not pencil. 

Five years later, as a junior in college, I took part in a spring break missions trip to Los Angeles. We spent the week working on a promotional video for an outreach group that hosted and organized short term mission trips. One of my film professors led our group and in our down time we loved driving around and exploring LA. I remember one evening, my professor looked out the car window and stated "I want a do-over".  Even though my upcoming semester in Los Angeles was something I knew would happen and I knew would work out for me, my professor's statement rattled me. 

After that trip, I came home and told my boyfriend Trevor and I had to go to LA, even if it meant dating long distance, postponing a wedding, or even going out there together as a married couple. I was scared that if I didn't do the semester, I would look back in thirty years and say "I want a do-over". 

Fast forward another year and a half... Trevor and I were two months into marriage and were traveling across the country to live in LA for the next four months.  Everyone had asked us what our plans were after my semester of classes and my internship were done- if we planned to stay out there or if we were planning on coming back.  We honestly didn't know... One friend told us that she prayed that whatever we were supposed to do, that God would make it clear and evident to us.

As the semester progressed, it became harder and harder to be so far away from our family and friends.  It was hard for me to call home, because I would hear my mom's voice breaking every time we said goodbye.  Friends and family went through life changes (babies, health scares, job switches) and we weren't there to support them.  It was difficult to be so separated from everyone.  It wasn't only hard to be away from Michigan... things in California weren't going as smoothly as we had hoped.  I loved my internship, but the company I worked for wasn't hiring and couldn't keep me on unless I stayed as an unpaid intern.  Since I needed our car to travel to my internship, Trevor was only able to search for jobs that were within walking distance of our apartment.  He applied for dozens of jobs a week, but nothing worked out. As time passed, it became clearer and clearer to us that it wasn't God's plan to have us stay in California. 

At the end of the semester, we were counting down the days and hours until we could begin our drive back to Michigan.  Part of me felt like I "failed" and I didn't know what I would do back home since my Los Angeles dream didn't work out.  The other part of me felt absolutely at peace.  I was so thankful that God made it clear to Trevor and myself that we weren't meant to stay in LA.  I was also at peace because I couldn't look back and wonder "what if?" when I'm older.  I am so happy to be so  confident that I'm suppose to be in a small town in Michigan instead of a metropolis in California.  

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

39 weeks

How far along: 39 weeks
General feeling: So so ready to have this baby. And I'm ready to sleep without waking up feeling like I need a hip replacement in the near future.
Boy or girl: Boy.
Weight gain: 29 pounds up from pre-pregnancy weight.
Maternity clothes: Still half and half. I don't think I'll need to go shopping for a long time after getting through post-partum since it'll seem like most of my wardrobe is brand new.
Innie or outie belly button: Outtie. Hard core. I'm surprised it hasn't obviously popped through any of my shirts yet.
Rings on or off: On
Braxton Hicks/labor signs: Yes yes yes. Trevor and I go to bed every night after mentally going through what we'd have to grab if we had to leave for the hospital in the middle of the night.
Movement: Lots of shoving and what feels like head butts. 
Cravings: chocolate. Trev and I made a pan of peppermint fudge this weekend, and we've gone through quite a bit of it already...
Best moment of this week: Doctor's appointment at the end of last week and finding out that things are moving along. 
Looking forward to: Getting this baby out. At this point, I just feel like a hippo.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

on my bookshelf

I use to work at a library and one of my favorite parts of the job was getting to see all the new books come in before anyone else did. I would often leave work with a bag filled to the brim with books that caught my attention. Here's what I'm currently going through...

Handmade to Sell - Even though this seems like a simple how-to step by step book, I love it. Whenever I feel like I haven't been inspired or motivated lately, just reading a chapter or two in this book always lights a fire under my butt to get stuff done. 

The Interestings - Meg Wolitzer is one of my favorite writers and I adore her books. This one (even though I only got half way through it before I had to return it to the library) is no exception. 

What to Expect the First Year - because I like to be prepared... and I figured once the baby comes, I won't have much time to read ahead.

Guess How Much I Love You - Right now, Trev and I are breaking in some of the board books we got for the nursery library, and this one is one of our favorites.

What are you reading right now? I'm always on the look out for new books and suggestions to add to my list. 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

38 weeks

How far along: 38 weeks
General feeling: Ready to have this baby! I was reading about pre-labor signs in What to Expect When You're Expecting the other day, and realized I have a majority of the signs they listed. And since little boy has dropped, it's easier to breathe, but bending down to pick something up is pretty much impossible.
Boy or girl: Boy.
Weight gain: 27 pounds up from pre-pregnancy weight.
Maternity clothes: still half and half. Maternity pants and non-maternity shirts.
Innie or outie belly button: rocking a pretty obvious outie now.
Rings on or off: On
Braxton Hicks/labor signs: contractions/cramping every evening. They don't last too long or close together, but it always makes me anxious.
Movement: Yep, lots of wiggles and rolls.
Cravings: Nothing really.
Best moment of this week: Still prepping the house and our freezer meal stash before the baby comes.
Looking forward to: Baby day!

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

37 weeks

How far along: 37 weeks pregnant
General feeling: Anxious and excited to get this show on the road. I'm having a routine ultrasound done tomorrow to get an idea of how big the baby is. And this week has been great because I have so much nesting energy. I told Trevor it's better than six shots of espresso.
Boy or girl: Boy.
Weight gain: Around 25ish pounds from pre-pregnancy weight.
Maternity clothes: Still half and half. Stretchy knit shirts and maternity pants all the time.
Innie or outie belly button: An outie, finally.
Rings on or off: On
Braxton Hicks: On and off every day.
Movement: His all time favorite move right now is to poke out his little rump. 
Cravings: Nothing really...
Best moment of this week: Nesting energy! I was able to get so much stuff done, and it was so nice to not be absolutely worn out after a long weekend. The only problem was my mind would still be whirring when I tried to go to sleep. 
Looking forward to: Ultrasound tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

36 weeks

How far along: 183 weeks 36 weeks pregnant
General feeling: Pretty good- just stretched out and tired more often than not.
Boy or girl: Boy.
Weight gain: right around 22ish pounds still
Maternity clothes: maternity pants and non-maternity tops
Innie or outie belly button: Still just barely popping out. I love looking down at my belly button, because it's the tiniest little popped button.
Rings on or off: On
Braxton Hicks: Braxton Hicks and pressure everyday. I feel them most often right when I stand up from sitting for a while, or if I've been standing for a long period of time. As long as I've drank a good amount of water that day, they'll fade away when I sit down or lay down.
Movement: All the time. Little boy's favorite move is to push his little rear end out so my belly gets hard and oblong shaped.
Cravings: Tomatoes. Just plain tomatoes with salt and pepper on top. 
Best moment of this week: Nightly bathroom trips every two hours. 
Looking forward to: Getting some home improvement stuff done before baby comes. This week is littered with projects!