Friday, December 5, 2014

waiting game

Still no baby. 40 weeks and 3 days and I feel like every day lasts a week.  Trevor was born two weeks late, and even a few weeks ago, Trev and I couldn't fathom how his mom felt waiting all that time.  I realize three extra days is nothing compared to two weeks, but I feel like I understand a tiny bit how she felt.  I've walked what feels like miles and miles every single day, bounced and wiggled on my exercise ball, climbed flights of stairs, and nothing is getting this little guy to budge just yet. 

As frustrated by waiting as I am, and as much as I want to take this into my own hands and plan things out, I can't.  I know that if baby Baldwin doesn't come by early next week, I'll be induced (which terrifies me).  That's as close to a hard set date that I have. 

Every night, Trevor and I take turns praying before we fall asleep.  Months and months ago, it was so easy to pray for this pregnancy.  It was so much easier to hand it back to God every night and acknowledge He is in control of the pregnancy, the baby, and everything.  As we've gotten closer and closer to the baby coming, it's gotten harder for me to let it go and give it back to God.  Especially right now, when I don't know how or when things will happen.  

In my devotions that I read this morning, the theme was disappointment.  Max Lucado wrote " is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and He will get us through it."  This absolutely called me out, because I realized I'm wallowing in the frustration of waiting for something to happen, and I'm disappointed that nothing has happened yet.  As hard as it is for me when I can't be in control, I need to let go of this and give it back to God.

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